a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's never too late to be topless.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
