What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
