I'm jealous of your bromance
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
