woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
