If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
