You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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