One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
