You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
