I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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