I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
