I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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