90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
