I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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