You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
