he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
