Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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