I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
