In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
