How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
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all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
