How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize