i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
