Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
