Nicole vs. Life
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
