so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
