I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
