I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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