i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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