why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
