I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
