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Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
