I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
