You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
