Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
