Can i not drive my cunt home
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
