Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
