I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
