it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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