this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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