i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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