i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
