Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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