btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
