i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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