im six kinds of drunk right now
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
