In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
