i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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