Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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