we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
