and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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