Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
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