this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
