I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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