I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
