sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
