I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
