i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
smell my finger.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
