So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
